


Walleye West

by Hiver_Frost_Elf



Series: Fauna Saga [2]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Beaches, Childhood, Dogs, Gen, Radio, Self Confidence Issues, Song Parody, Team as Family, You Decide, but might still qualify as gen or teen, darker than Catwave, i dunno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 19:11:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9917711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiver_Frost_Elf/pseuds/Hiver_Frost_Elf
Summary: Kid Flash becomes Fish Flash!





	

**Author's Note:**

> Strictly speaking, you can probably read this without reading Catwave, but I recommend reading it first. Or you could read this first, cry, then read Catwave and laugh.
> 
> Dustin Otis is named in honor of my first cat and my first dog, respectively. This fic is dedicated to all family members who died prematurely whether they were a member forever or only a few days....

Hermey raked her hand through her in-desperate-need-of-a-haircut scalp and willed the commercial break to last long enough for tech support to beat their tempestuous tunes into submission.  Seconds moseyed away heedless of the musical drought.  CW34.8 was doomed.

Hermey hummed a few bars to calm herself.  It fell on her to fill dead air.  She thumbed her phone and wished this was a disaster of epic enough proportions to call in Team Flash.  Her eyes bulged with inspiration as she looked up the song she was humming.  Equipped with her voice and a microphone, her scheme spawned!

“This next song goes out to all the folks who make Central a better place!” she announced with cheer.  She began with twin shoulder jerks and a hip snap.  Her boss looked up from finagling with the tech to gaze upon her with horror.  There were no words to describe it which could be uttered on air.

_[All the vigilantes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m1EFMoRFvY) _

_(All the vigilantes)_

_All the vigilantes_

_(All the vigilantes)_

_All the vigilantes_

_(All the vigilantes)_

_All the vigilantes_

_Now put your hands up—oh_

_gonna cuff your wrists—yeah_

_cuz you tried to frisk-a_

_Somebody else’s thing_

_You decided to dip_

_you’re gonna take a trip_

_'Cause a vigilante spotted you_

_Red-handed—caught, now you gotta stop_

_Cuz you caught somone’s attention_

_Gonna cry some tears for three good years_

_You must be angry, too_

_Because you liked it, so you tried to pull a heist for it_

_Yeah, you liked it, so you tried to pull a heist for it_

_Didn’t count on some heroes stopping it_

_Now your greed’s made you look like an idiot_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Because you liked it, so you tried to pull a heist for it_

_Yeah, you liked it, so you tried to pull a heist for it_

_Didn’t count on some heroes stopping it_

_Now your greed’s made you look like an idiot_

_Gotta mask on your face, a gem in its place_

_Got you avid for those diamond rings_

_Acting up like a small pup_

_You can’t care less what we think_

_You need no permission.  Did I mention?_

_You caught somebody’s attention_

_'Cause you had your turn, but now you gonna learn_

_What it really feels like in prison_

_Because you liked it, so you tried to pull a heist for it_

_Yeah, you liked it, so you tried to pull a heist for it_

_Didn’t count on some heroes stopping it_

_Now your greed’s made you look like an idiot_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Because you liked it, so you tried to pull a heist for it_

_Yeah, you liked it, so you tried to pull a heist for it_

_Didn’t count on some heroes stopping it_

_Now your greed’s made you look like an idiot_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Don't lust for all these things of the world_

_Don’t be that kind of soul_

_Your love is what we prefer, what we deserve_

_Be someone who makes us, then takes us_

_And delivers us to a destiny, to infinity and beyond_

_Pull us into your arms_

_Say we’re the ones you want_

_If you don't, you'll be alone_

_And like a ghost we'll be gone_

_All the vigilantes_

_All the vigilantes_

_All the vigilantes_

_All the vigilantes_

_All the vigilantes_

_All the vigilantes_

_All the vigilantes_

_All the vigilantes_

_Now put your hands up_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Because you liked it, so you tried to pull a heist for it_

_Yeah, you liked it, so you tried to pull a heist for it_

_Didn’t count on some heroes stopping it_

_Now your greed’s made you look like an idiot_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Because you liked it, so you tried to pull a heist for it_

_Yeah, you liked it, so you tried to pull a heist for it_

_Didn’t count on some heroes stopping it_

_Now your greed’s made you look like an idiot_

Even the deaf dude was rocking out by the end.  Thankfully, the magical mechanics fixed the tech so Hermey could play legit music afterwards.  Unfortunately, no matter how much water she drank and how much coughing she did, her voice refused to clear.

She held her head low when the manager sent her home, “I’m so sorry, ma'am....”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Ellen, you saved the station!” the dark-haired lady sent her off with a pat on the back. “Grab some friends and celebrate!”

_What friends???  They're all busy at work, too...._

Hermey grabbed her messenger bag which now contained her Fauna costume; although allegedly, Cisco was fabricating something up for her that would help her against humans in addition to animals.  It was way too early for dinner, but she could eat if she felt like it.  She was always ready for snacks.  Cisco shared his lollipops, and she shared her gum: beautiful symbiosis.

She unlocked the staff entrance with her nifty security card and sought out the Cortex.  She couldn’t help thinking of dodging Uka-Uka and Aku-Aku’s clash of masks and lasers whenever somebody brought up its name.  Her nonchalant shuffle grinded against the metallic, subtly curving floors.  She’d ventured a quarter of a mile before she finally admitted to herself that she had no clue where she was going.

_You were just here yesterday—it’s the center of the building, you idiot!  Only you could fail something so stupidly easy._

A shining grin rescued her from her thoughts, “HE! I thought you’d be at the beach already.” HR sifted through her confusion. “By some miracle, those of us who have day jobs all have today off, so we’re spending our pre-vigilantism time soaking up sun and hanging ten!  Didn’t somebody text you???”

Hermey’s head felt like it was stuck in maple syrup with how slowly she shook it.  HR took offense to her lack of information, swearing it wouldn’t happen again.  Her thanks devolved into a coughing fit.

“Would you like some tea?” he offered on their way to pick up his beach supplies. “Nothing brings a prodigal voice home like a warm drink!”

“Do we have hot chocolate?”

“Indeed we do!” HR scrambled ahead and brewed up a to-go cup with half of the cocoa elixir and half vanilla creamer.  _Nobody_ out-baristaed HR.  Hermey purred with her eyes closed and her hands bracketing the cup.  She wrangled it into one hand and helped HR lug his beach toys into the STAR Labs van.  HR and Hermey bobbed their heads to ‘[What Makes You Beautiful](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJO3ROT-A4E)’.

“The song’s dance-worthy, but it frustrates me a little bit,” Hermey collected her thoughts during a sip of her drink. “If you see someone who doesn’t know they’re beautiful, just tell them.”

“I most definitely feel you,” HR hummed his agreement before musing darkly. “I barely got of bed the first week or so after I published my first novel because I’d read so much hate mail.  I was already hating myself for how barely acceptable it was, and then everything they said confirmed my worst fears.”

“I’m sorry,” Hermey said, unsure how to encourage him. “What do you write?”

“Science fiction!” he chirped as he pulled into the parking lot. “I’ve been all over time travel way before BA was running around.”

“Did you bring anything with you?” Hermey slid out of the van, then added once they reunited to collect their supplies. “I’ll read ‘em… if you want....”

“Absolutely! I’ve got book one right here—and I’ll grab you the entire series tonight.”

Hermey flickered a smile as she tucked the tome into her bag and applied a vigorous amount of sunscreen to protect her pathetically pallid pallor.  She changed into shorts and a tank top before joining the rest of the gang.  HR soused out who was responsible for communicating today’s agenda to her.

Barry frantically searched through his phone, “I know I texted you.  Where the heck did it go???  ....Craaaaaaaaaack!” Barry groaned and showed his phone to Iris. “It saved as a draft!” Barry profusely apologized to Hermey.

Her response was to wriggle her toes in the sand and murmur, “I’m not much of a beachgoer anyway....  I get really bad sunburns.”

Barry, Iris, Caitlin, Cisco, Joe, Wally, and HR all looked at each other and then at her with faces that wordlessly stated _That’s a load of BS otherwise you wouldn’t have come; my god, we’re horrible people!  Please say you know you’re valued and loved._

_I dunno, am I???  I haven’t been here that long...._

HR wouldn’t let her break away, “We’re not mad at you, we’re mad at ourselves because we want you to know that we want you around.  It doesn’t matter if you’ve been here forever or just joined up yesterday; you’re family, and families do things with each other… such as hang out at the beach or read each other’s books or listen to each other’s radio show!”

_What in the whatty-what-WHAT!?_

HR, Iris, and Cisco broke out into ‘All the Vigilantes (Pull a Heist for It)’.  Those who weren’t performing were stunned with amazement that Hermey ad-libbed this live mere hours ago.  Hermey giggled through her nose: stubborn laughter kids release when they’re trying hard not to smile under any circumstances.

“Okay, so this is a weird request,” Wally clapped her on the shoulder, “but could you change me into a dog?  I love dogs!”

She considered it with her head low.  Stars fizzled from her hand.  He remained human.

“More of a cat person, eh?” Wally nodded in understanding.  He zipped into the ocean before cupping his hands. “How about a fish?”

Anxiety simmered inside Hermey.  She gave it a shot because she did pretty much anything better than dogs.  Stars shimmered and shimmied from her hand and _glub glub_ Wally became Fish Flash!  She noticed something was wrong when he leapt up and gasped for air.

“Barry, grab some water!” Hermey panicked.  Barry scooped Wally into the gang’s cooler of water bottles.  Hermey crossed her fingers and held her breath _Please be okay please be okay please be okay_ until Wally weaved his head to the side intermittently and began glubbing ‘[U Can’t Touch This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otCpCn0l4Wo)' like a tacky souvenir.

“That’s my signal to stop caring,” Iris declared.  Joe just groaned at him then realized Hermey had disappeared.

HR found her withering in the back of the van.  She exhaled shame, “I hate being a disappointment.”

HR sat down beside her and hugged her, “You’re not a disappointment.  Wallace’s okay, you’re okay, everybody’s okay.  Everybody makes mistakes.”

“It feels like I make more mistakes than everybody else.”

“That’s just because you’re new,” he said before whistling to Iris.

She waltzed over in time to catch Hermey sniffle, “I’m supposed to be the animal expert.  There are thousands of saltwater fish, and I didn’t pick any of them!”

HR—still hugging Hermey—conversed with Iris via magical eyeballs before asking, “Iris, how many saltwater fish can you name?”

“Uh…” Iris racked her brain for this. “Nemo, Marlin, Dory, Oscar, and Flounder.”

“Freshwater fish?”

“....Do goldfish count?”

“Alright, HE, name five saltwater fish and five freshwater fish.”

“Saltwater: zebra turkeyfish, barred knifejaw, football fish, dab, olive flounder; freshwater: bitterling, rainbowfish, black bass, pike, yellow perch.”

“See! You are the animal expert,” Iris applauded her. “You’re just having a rollercoaster day, that’s all.”

“And eventually, you’ll be the changing-others-into-animals expert, too,” HR promised. “Some day, another newbie’ll join up and they’ll be the one who needs someone funny and creative and helpful to cheer ‘em up!  Right now though, our goal is to cheer you up, so what makes you happy?”

Hermey hummed a few bars of a childhood favorite nobody recognized.  She pulled a thin, scraggily, ultra-folded piece of paper from her bag and rubbed the back of her neck, “This is the song that taught me that I wanted to do something with lots of music involved.”

_[Dusto, Dusto the Superdog](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MYqFaQIryo) _

_Dusto, Dusto the Superdog_

_It's Superdog time!_

_He's a super dog_

_He's a superhero_

_He came to Earth from outer space_

_And his name is Dusto._

_He's super strong_

_He's super brave._

_He's Dusto, Dusto the Superdog_

_Dusto, ruff, ruff, and away!_

_Dusto, Dusto the Superdog_

_Dusto, ruff, ruff, and away!_

_He's super smart_

_In every way._

_He's Dusto, Dusto the Superdog_

_Dusto, ruff, ruff, and away!_

_Dusto, Dusto the Superdog._

_See that super dog_

_Flying through the air_

_He's got super powers, Bad guys beware!_

_Dusto, Dusto the Superdog!_

* * *

Eight-year-old Hermey shielded a cardboard box and its lone surviver: a shivering puppy—christened Dustin Otis, Dusto for short—with her hoodie.  She attempted to push the box towards her house.  No matter how much effort she shoved into it, the cantankerous container wouldn’t budge.  She paused to recover her breath.  She shivered when she spotted a wagon up high in a dumpster.  Her awkward height allowed her to touch it with her middle finger if she jumped.  She slipped and crashed into a puddle.  Wiping herself off only drenched her further.  She grinned when she found a stepladder—another box—and freed the wagon with a clash onto the ground.

“Erf!” Dusto yipped at the noise.

“Sorry,” Hermey winced as she set the box onto the wagon.  She wiped off one of its wheels with her sneaker when it was too stuck to roll.

She was soaked, exhausted, and sneezing like it was going out of style by the time she reached the sanctuary of the Ellen household.  She wiped off her feet on a pawprint-themed welcome mat and hung her dripping hoodie on the coat rack.

Dusto leapt onto the floor and scrabbled to follow her into the kitchen.  She set out a dish of water and gave him some ham slices in lieu of dog food.

“My moms are both veterinarians, but we don’t have any pets,” she explained as he chomped and lapped away. “They say we’re not home enough to take care of anything.  I dunno why they say that since I’m home all the time!  ....I’m only smart about animals, so I shouldn’t the robotics club or the mathletes; and I’m accident-prone enough without athleticism in my life, so I won’t tempt fate by signing up for sports; and performing in front of folks is terrifying, so it wouldn’t be a good idea to audition for band or drama.”

The flood receded to a drizzle half an hour later.  Hermey decided this would be a good time to bury Dusto’s family.  Dusto helped her dig through the mud in the backyard.  Hermey closed the box and pushed it into the ditch as gently as possible, treating it like a coffin.  He helped her refill the ditch, resulting in a hill.

“You were a good mom because you did your best to take care of your puppies,” Dusto sat up solemnly beside her while she created a eulogy.  Both of their heads were tilted toward the grave. “I’m sorry I never got to meet you or the rest of your family, but Dustin Otis can be part of my family.  I’ll love him unconditionally, I won’t hurt him no matter how mad I am, I’ll look for him when he goes missing, I won’t give up on him, I won’t leave him behind or forget him… and if he’s ever cold and alone in the dark, I’ll bring him home.”

“Hermey, who are you talking to?” a lab-coated woman walked in arm-in-arm with her wife.

“And what have you done to the yard???” added a beaded brunette.

“I held a funeral for Dusto’s family,” she looked up at them gravely.

Beads grimaced at the now lumpy yard while Lab Coat pulled Hermey away from the stray, “Never interact with a strange animal; it could be diseased or dangerous!  Don’t you know anything, Hermey!?”

“But Dusto’s an orphan!” Hermey argued as boldly as she dared. “He’s part of our family now.”

“Hermey, you know we have no time to take care of a pet,” said Beads.

“I have plenty of time!  What’s the difference between me taking care of myself and Dusto instead of just myself?”

Beads and Lab Coat didn’t have an answer for her besides impatient glares.  They allowed the stray to stick around long enough to train it.  They handed it over to a single father and his girl who was the same age as Hermey yet half her size.

“Waitwaitwait!” Hermey scrambled to tie an emerald green bandana around Dusto.

“What is that?” the girl scowled at the accessory.  He already had a stupid name; he dressed freaky, too!?

“It’s his superhero cape!” chirped Hermey.  Her mothers groaned while the girl’s father chuckled politely at Superdog’s theme song.  The girl wasn’t impressed.  She wanted a prince, not a pauper.

Hermey sent him off sadly while her mothers sent it off gladly.  The next few days passed by without incident.  This peace was shattered by the girl inviting herself into Hermey’s house to tell her that Dusto was dead.

“What!?!”

“Well, I mean he’s gone missing, so he’s probably dead.  We were playing in the yard yesterday.  I figured it’d be okay not to keep him on a leash; he knows what’s our yard and what’s not.  Then a stupid squirrel or something ran in, and he chased after it.”

Hermey twitched.

She dashed out the door, donning her hoodie on the way.  She called Dusto’s name to no avail.  She found paw prints leading into the woods.  Hermey didn’t hesitate.  The girl wouldn’t follow her in—too gross and grimy from yet another storm.

Hermey’s sneakers became caked in twig-sprinkled slop.  One got stuck in it.  She continued shoeless after struggling to recover it took too long.  Drops bombed her head from branches.  Leaves flurried behind her until she reached her lifeless pup.  Her jeans became crusted with mud when she fell to the ground and cradled him.

She cried for hours.

Nobody helped her bury him.

* * *

“You did good today, kid,” Joe nodded at Fauna after a long night of shadowing Flash and Kid Flash.

“So did you, sir!” she flickered a smile at him while she unwrapped an emerald green bandana from her wrist: the one indulgence carried over from her old costume.

“Yeah, well I’m not the one who needs a confidence boost.”

She smiled at him again with confusion.

“I’m serious,” Joe said after sipping decaf: hopefully, his last mug of the night. “Speaking as a parent, your attitude’s alarming.”

“Seriously,” Iris popped in from outta nowhere to cup Hermey’s head. “Who made you like this!?  I will end them!”

“Why is Mr. Rory a pyro?” Hermey chuckled even more befuddled than ever. “Sometimes people are just like things....”

The End!!!

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoy song parodies, I recommend 84.3 Radio HFE!
> 
> Thanks for taking time to read this :3 enjoy what you do here and everywhere!


End file.
